Monday, July 12, 2010

This is really hard...

Yesterday and today have been really rough for me. Not food-wise or really even in terms of the relationship, just with where my life's at at this point. Yesterday Steve took three of the cats to his new place. I've been looking forward to it in some ways, because with five cats and two dogs there's just so much pet hair. Then there's litter boxes and the fact that we're trying to sell the house and I just knew everything would be easier once some of the cats were out of the house. Also, I've felt for a while now that we just had too many pets. I knew it'd be hard and I'd miss them, but it was harder than I expected. I work from home, so they are always with me. I've still got the two cats we had the longest, but it was hard nonetheless. I was the one that put them in the carriers. With each one I started crying a little more. When he left and I just had to let go and let myself cry it out a bit. I know it'll be alright, but right now it's tough.

Then on top of that I just don't feel like I have a lot of support down here. I have friends, don't get me wrong, but they are mutual friends and I feel like there are certain things they just don't want to hear or don't want me to talk about so I can't fully open up. Now is a time when I need to be around people I can just let it all out with and I just don't feel I have that. I have other friends that I can be completely open with, but one is in CA and another is in WI. I have others that are supportive, but really two people have been there for me the most throughout this and they're just not close by so it's hard.

In a few days I'll probably be feeling better. I think it's just the cats being taken and me being down here alone this past weekend that's made it more difficult. I'm hoping to go up to WI again this weekend and stay with friends. This too shall pass...right?

2 comments:

  1. Tania, I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. Losing pets is definitely hard. I say allow the tears to flow freely and you'll most definitely feel better about all the loss you're feeling lately. Crying is one of those therapeutic things that sort of washes away all the pent up stress and anxiety, then when it stops, you can feel a little lighter and a little more free to rediscover yourself. Cyberhugs for you.

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  2. This too SHALL pass. I know it might sound trite now, but it does. You've been holding it all together so well - at least as it appears to us - so of course something is going to trip you up at some point.

    I don't have a close friend here, either. Actually, little known fact about the fatass - my BFF recently broke up with me. So it's not even that mine is far away. Mine said "I don't want to be your BFF anymore." So I get that whole not having the person to unload on bit, too. It is hard for me to hold things in, so the absence of that touchstone makes things tough.

    Keep writing and keep at it and the sadness will ease, bit by bit. Promise.

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