Thursday, March 15, 2012

Hmph...

Well, I haven't posted in a month. I've been weighing in every friday, but haven't been recording it...cause my weight went up to 172 in my first weigh in after the last recorded one and has pretty much stuck there. It's fluctuated between 170 and 172 for the most part. I've got to say I'm kind of at a loss. I was working out at least 3 times a week, this past week I've worked out 5 times (had two workouts yesterday). I haven't had any fast food or takeout. I've been trying to drink a lot of water and eat a lot of veggies. But, I haven't been tracking my food. I've been trying to eat more intuitively, making healthy choices and only eating when hungry, but maybe that isn't working for me. Maybe I'm taking in more calories than I think. Ideally, I'd like to continue with a more vigorous workout schedule as this past week and eat intuitively, rather than track every morsel of food I put in my mouth. However, if my weight doesn't start moving down I won't have any choice but to start really tracking. I'm going to take the day off from working out today, which tends to help me get a good weigh in if I take the day before a weigh in off. It's looking like my June 1st goal date probably won't happen. If I'm still at 172 tomorrow (that was my weight this morning), then I'd have to lose 2.5 lbs a week to reach my goal...not very likely. We'll see what my weigh in is tomorrow and go from there.

I have started up P90X again. I started on Monday of this past week. I did a Shoulder, Arms and Abs workout. Tuesday was Bikram Yoga with Sara (in place of the P90X yoga dvd). Wednesday was Legs, Back and Abs and then a Hip Hop dance class. If I was following the schedule I would do Kenpo today and rest tomorrow, but I'm going to flop those two and make Thursdays my rest day. Bottom line I've gotten lots of workouts in this week and am feeling really good. Basically, my whole body is sore. No complaints.

Hip Hop class last night was amazing!! Sara couldn't go, so I debated but in the end decided to go alone since I knew I'd have fun. I'm in class in the back of the room and I have these two amazing dancers next to me. I was so intimidated dancing next to them, but there were a decent number of people there this week so I just focused on myself and used them as inspiration. Come to find out, they're professional dancers. One was Cedric Gardner, who was on Season 3 of So You Think You Can Dance. He lives in LA now, but is from Milwaukee and was in town to see family and friends and teach a couple classes. The other was a woman named Lindy. She's from South Africa and will also be teaching a class this weekend. At the end of class they both did a few dances for us. It was just an empowering experience. I may not be the best dancer in the world, but I love it and was truly inspired watching them.

While I don't have aspirations to be a professional dancer, it did make me think about what I really want to do with my life. Do I want to work for an insurance company for the rest of my life? Ideally, no. Am I clear on what it is I really want to do? Again, no. But I do think I would enjoy buying and selling engagement rings on eBay. So, I'm going to finally go out and buy a couple rings and get my eBay store up and running. If it's successful, then I can achieve the goal of finally working for myself. And if I make enough money I can take some art classes for my enjoyment and classes on gemology, so I can make informed purchases for my eBay business. This kind of work would give me the freedom to live the life I want rather than being stuck in a 9 to 5 office job. I want to be able to make my own hours, wear whatever clothing I want, paint my nails whatever color I want, get tattoos without worrying if they are business appropriate.

Now, I say this, but I have a phone interview in half an hour for a Product Manager position. I don't have all the skills they're looking for, so they may not be interested in me. However, if they offer me the job, I will take it. I'm responsible enough to know that I need to have an income and there's a very real chance that my eBay business will not work out. So, if I get the job, I'll take it and continue to work on the eBay business on the side and if I am successful down the road I can decide then if I'm enjoying my regular job and want to keep it or if I want to transition to just my eBay business. If they don't offer me the position, then I'll still work on the eBay business while continuing to look for a "regular" job. If the eBay business works out and I make enough to do that solely, great, and if not then I'll just keep working hard to find a different job. Regardless, I've just got to give it a shot, so I can at least say I tried. I don't want to have regrets for not at least trying.

Aside from all of that, I'm still on a dating hiatus. I think about Josh pretty regularly and would love to see him, but I'm doing my best not to let my thoughts get too wrapped up in him. I'm trying to live my best life possible, so I can be the best me for whomever I end up dating. Oh yeah...I saw on facebook that Steve's dating someone. I'm not jealous of their relationship because I want to be with him, but rather because I want to find someone of my own who I can be happy with. I guess it's more of a competition thing. He's with someone and I'm not. Stupid, but true. That said, I'm not going to date someone just to be with someone. Eventually, I'll find someone who is what I'm looking for (maybe Josh, maybe someone else) and I'll be happy and what Steve's doing will not even remotely be on my radar. I rarely think about him, I mean it's been almost 2 years. However, as long as I'm still single it's always going to be "my ex" this or that when talking about relationships with people, rather than having a current relationship to refer to. Oh well, I just need to be myself and lead a happy life and it'll happen when it's meant to happen. :-)

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